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Confusing Newspaper Clips

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!! ! They put in a correction the next day. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No, really?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for- nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
Oklahoma's construction program!

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?

All the gkids

Branson, Boston,Brooklyn,Beau
Lucas the Chicken boy
Jill, Grant, Thomas visiting me at work

Me and my beauties

fonz and farrah

Grammy (Melissa) and Lucas P.

Johnathan and Vanessa

Rita Hollingsworth Larson

Mrs. Rita Hollingworth Larson

This week, I started emailing Rita. She was my real first girlfriend in High School. I really thought I loved her, but treated her like dirt when I dusted her off for Carol Tilley, a buxom beauty too and very sexy. But since talking to Rita this week, I have realized that the way I treated her was unacceptable. If anyone had treated my daughters that way, I would have been most upset. I have found out more about our relationship this week than I could have imagined. She really did love me and was excited about just going to the prom with me. That makes me feel even worse. I know you shouldn't dwell on the past, but just knowing what happened, makes me somehow......................feel unworthy for her and yet it settles my mind about why she married such a loser in Mr. Hurley. I had no idea!!!!!!!!!! She really could have the one, but I blew that, then she did. I was getting mail from her when I was in the Navy, then it stopped and I didn't know why until my mom told me she got married. You talk about stunned, when I found out to whom. I had asked her twin sister Rhonda about her a few times when I would see Rhonda on the street but never really got into the story. I just wanted to share or get it off my chest by typing the words to see if it makes sense to me and it doesn't.........................

idiot 911 calls

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I' m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: N o
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.